Wednesday, February 13, 2008

x + y

I am a failure. 
In most endeavors, time + effort = success. I've always worked hard & spent time at a task, and gotten good grades, or gotten promoted, or strengthened my muscles or endurance at the gym. 
This is not true for relationships. I could not have been a better girlfriend. I spent the last 4 months trying to get things back, and no matter what I did, it wasn't enough. 
I failed. I feel like my life has had a hole blown out of it. I'm empty and destroyed. 
If I can't even get this right, what do I have left? Everything is fraught with things we have done together during the last 4 years together. The relatively innocuous 11 PM Seinfeld is almost too much for me to bear. I can't comprehend the vastness of how my existence is going to change. 
My first weekend here, alone, reading the Sunday Times, throwing away the Automobiles section, might push me over the edge. 

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